The Journey Continues

I realize it has been quite a while since I have posted anything. However, my quest to becoming a whole person has lead me to finding out new thins about myself.

For the past eight months I have been working on making my mind healthy. The key to this has been Meditation, and of course prayer. Seeking God in the moment has been my goal and the primary focus of becoming a whole person. I've learned that the meditation exercise contains all the ingredients for perfect self-control. I have been working on having more compassion for others. Having more compassion, I'm learning to not let things upset or frustrate me, not in the slightest degree. Especially when it comes to those little unkind, unfair and dishonest things that people say and do to motivate and downgrade my ego to raise theirs. Yet another reason why I am trying to get rid of my ego. I also learned what my biggest weakness has been...words. For years I have let words dictate the way I feel about myself. I'm in the process of trying to understand what people are really saying without words. After all, we are born with the ability to do so. For to long, instead of believing in myself, I have allowed myself to be affected by the words of others. I have labored to hear words of praise, and in doing so I have been believing in words more then in my true original self. It turns out the more upset I am, the more word - sensitive I become.

Despite all I have learned, the one thing I am struggling with is being scared single. My out look on relationships right now is very grim. Even though as of now I am not relationship material, the very thought of having a girlfriend depresses me. The women I have gone out with in the past have been narrow minded, judgmental, self absorbed, and self centered. Unable to accept me for who I am, or what I want to do with my life. Unable to accept or respect my family, and friends, and trying to change me into a person I was never meant to be. I'll be the first to admit I'm not like most guys, and I'm damn proud of that fact! Because I'm not like most guys, it might take people time to get used to the person I am. But I don't know why my girlfriends in the past have felt like they have to change me. If you don't like the person that I am, why did you agree to be my girlfriend?

Anyway like I said earlier, this is something I'm working on. I am still on my journey to becoming a whole person.

To be continued...